Going to take a moment and be real with you. I have had a cloud over my head and heart the last week or so. This cloud has caused me to be numb and distant, especially from God. Like always, instead of continuing to seek and find a way to battle past that emptiness I turned to filling my voids with easy fixes. I am sure you can relate… quick fixes that give instant gratification but never fully satisfy. As I fed into my voids, as I often have this past year, I began to turn down the positive things that I seek after. Tonight was almost one of those times. My dream of a group for single moms was here. I have been excited for weeks as I had been wanting it for months. As the evening approached I had my excuses creeping. I almost didn’t go.
As the hours turned to minutes and my list of excuses increased, I kept feeling a tug. Effortlessly my kids were fed and ready ON TIME, both happy and in the car landing us shortly after in the church parking lot as if a miracle just took place before my eyes. Went in, spent some time chatting, questioned my commitment to the cause, yet sat down to give it a chance. Then it happened as mom after mom opened her heart reaching in and touching my soul. You know those moments when your body tingles and your heart sighs. I was feeling it again. I was filling my voids.
Tonight was a perfect reminder that God has a plan for each and everyone of us. Although he grants us free will to take detours as we please, all roads lead back to His plan. If there is one thing that I have learned this year is that our stories are already written. In the womb God already knew.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. -Psalm 139
That fact is hard for anyone to wrap their mind around for many reasons. If we have this God that watches over us and if we are good people, then shouldn’t only good things come our way? I mean what godly figure would send death, hurt and grief to people the way that it flows so regularly throughout all of us. Now I am not a bible or religious scholar, yet I speak from personal experience as I sift through all these thoughts myself. What I have found in MY life is that everything that brings me pain has been a direct result of free will. The free will that God granted us. From the Garden of Eden to Single Moms group, God has given us the freedom to make our own decision. As we continually take the reins and try to direct our path, I am sure that he looks down on us in pain himself as he see us make destructive decisions that only we can prevent.
I get told on a regular basis that I am a strong person and every time that someone tells me I think to myself first “Ha, I must have your fooled because if you only you knew what really goes on in my head!” then second, “What does that even mean?!” Being the weird person that I am, I have spent way too much time trying to see myself through others’ eyes to encounter meaning behind the oh so famous phrase lately. What I have gathered is that strength during life’s hardest moments is not defined by how much you can endure, but by the steps you take and the choices you make to endure it and thrive regardless… I refuse to be the status quo of the situation that has consumed my life and let it define me. Because something really cruddy happened to me, I think everyone’s biggest shock is that I am not responding as expected on the outside. I am trying to make choices focusing on the big picture and not the instant gratification and boy let me tell ya, I want to give up daily. But I don’t because it will be worth it.
Again, God holds my future as well as yours in the palm of his hands. God gives us free will. We can choose to embrace his plan regardless of the personal sacrifices and lack of control; or we can try to do it on our own resulting in it’s own natural consequences that often result in hurt or failures. I know in my mind what I want and what I need. But guess what, I can’t rewrite a story that is already written.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. – Jeremiah 29
I love the song “Trust in You” from Lauren Daigle for many reasons.
- It’s my daughter’s favorite song, her face lights up whenever she hears it come on and she can sing it word for word… so stinkn’ adorable!
- It’s the perfect prayer
- It’s so simple
I encourage you to listen to the song at least once and repeat it as your prayer. Really mean it and believe it. It can transform you and how you think as it has me. Repeat the words to yourself daily. “Letting go…I tried to win this war…Never changes what you see…Your plans are always good…There’s no place that I’ll go that you haven’t already stood.” Soak that in for a moment! I mean seriously.
Click here to listen
As I have learned fairly recently about scripture is that many things are pretty simple and straightforward and yet we try to manipulate it to fit in our lifestyle. I have those moments regularly when I think, oh yeah, easy to say two thousand + years ago. Yet when I do my own thing and go against the grain that God instilled through His word darkness comes my way. As I have become more conscientious these past few months, I can trace back that everytime I feel insecure, rejected, hurt, lost… man the list goes on… I realize it is because I chose my path and not His, simplicity offered yet difficulty taken.
I encourage you to find your strength and chose to let God write your story. Let Him guide your fears and insecurities to make the right decisions moving you towards His plan instead of your own. You will find yourself stronger than you have ever been because you are giving up control and trusting your faith. With that you will thrive. Are you strong enough to thrive? Figure out what you really want and act accordingly before your free will takes you yet on another detour.
Thanks to my single moms that inspired me tonight! Be strong and continue letting God write your story.